just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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