fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
