there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
