Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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