Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
