I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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