i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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