I must be too annoying 4 u.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
