The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
