I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I need water and some morals
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize