every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
