You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just found puke in my bra..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
