bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
