You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
where are you?
Hypothermia
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
