yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
