you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
