i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
