Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
