Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
