jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
