i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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