We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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