I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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