Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
