Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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