HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
