My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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