My nipple is on Facebook.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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