So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
