my phone needs a breathalizer
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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