Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
