I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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