I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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