Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize