My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
