it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
