She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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