Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
