Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I don't think brook has ever known best
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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