he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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