He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
