No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
