DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
