My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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