Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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