so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
