theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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