my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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