I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
