take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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