I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
A bitchslap is in order.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
