Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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