Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
babies were throwing up all over the place
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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