Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
