Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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