Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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