if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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