I'm really into asian looking animals
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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