i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
