This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
