operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
