we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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