its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
