So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
