How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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