Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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