Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
