were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
