He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
