Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
