how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
