ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
